Phoenix Idiotarod


February 26th, 2022


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Official Race Results

2022 Awards!

  • Best In Show - The Big Gutter Balls
  • Best Cart - Bottle Service
  • Best Cart, Comma, Also - Don’t Hassle The Hoff
  • Best Costumes - One of these days… (Fast Food)
  • Jankiest Cart - Team Name Pending
  • We’re Crafty - Hanging with my Gnomies
  • Biggest Wheels - Idiotcoin
  • Beeriest - The Carttenders
  • Honorary Mention - Psycho
  • Good Job? - Wasted Rugrats
  • Best Bribes - Pleather Yourthelf
  • We Did It! - HNT Pandas (Hashers not Trashers)
  • Most Spilled - Bottle Service
  • Best Music - Molly Malone’s Ghost
  • Best Innuendo - Missionary Position
  • Most Positive Message - Thank You For Being A Friend
  • Most Negative Message - CJ Ownz (for all the negative test results)
  • Most Clandestine Celebrity - The Cart Narc
  • Best Animal Theme - Island of Misfit Toys
  • Primo Provisions - One of these days… (Fast Food)
  • Supreme Meme - Idiotcoin
  • We Did The Thing! - BroRo Crew (for posting pics on Instagram and tagging ArizonaCacophony)
  • Most Sweatiest - Pleather Yourthelf
  • Best Gorilla Stop - Aspic Picnic Stop
Individual Awards
  • Taking One For The Team - Glen from The Carttenders
  • Taking One For The Team - Jess from Hanging w/ my Gnomies
  • Best Use of Skin - Wasted Rugrats
  • Best Use of Skin - Jill from DickSo Inferno
We don’t even know what these awards are for, but we all thought it was a great idea
  • Gold - Don’t Hassle the Hoff
  • Silver - Dick So Inferno
  • Bronze - Psycho

2020 Awards!

  • Best In Show - Exit Through The Gift Shop
  • Rookies Of The Year - Team NPO
  • Taking It For The Team - Chris Brown from Team NPO
  • Best Sabotage - CJ Ownz
  • Best Costumes - Followers of the Sun
  • Best Cart - Jaws (and Jaws 2 and Jaws 3)
  • Best Cart (Honorable Mention) - Papa Johnsons
  • Best Bribes - Up In Smoke
  • We're Crafty - The Drunked Droogs
  • Good Job? -
  • Honorary Mention - Dia de Los Basics
  • Supreme Meme - Ain't No Laws
  • Best Animal Theme - Plight of the Plastered Penguins
  • Lifetime Cardboard Achievement Award - Vegan Carnivores
  • Highest Achievers - Psychedelic Arts Research Team Y
  • We Did It! - Team Spectator
  • Primo Provisions - Bro Cones

2019 Awards!

  • Best In Show - Beyond Thunderdumb
  • Rookies Of The Year - The Ladies of Mary Kay
  • Best Sabotage - Slammed-I-Am (Though nobody could explain why)
  • Best Costumes - Shame Of Thrones
  • Best Cart - Beyond Thunderdumb
  • Best Bribes - Art Cart
  • We're Crafty - CJ Owns
  • Good Job? - Further
  • Honorary Mention - Dunkin' Donuts (HBC+1)
  • Supreme Meme - Saved By The Bell (anybody know what team this was?)
  • Primo Provisions - Alice In Weirdland
  • We Did It! - The Crayons (anybody know what team this was?)
  • Best Use Of Skin - Dick Move
  • Most Weaponized - Booty Call
  • Most Generous - Slammed-I-Am
  • Glowiest - GLOW (King of the Hill Battle Royale Winner!)
  • Best Use of Ruvi - Shame of Thrones
  • Highest Achievers - Further
Individual Awards
  • Taking It For The Team - Peter Pan Costume Guy
  • You're Doing It Wrong - Gingher from Booty Call
Challenge & Judge Awards
  • Gong Show Winner - Ground Control to Major Tom
  • Dukes of Hazzard BBQ - (sorry, can't read the scribble)
  • Sidebar - Big Toe Shenanigans (for bribing a child)
  • Most Annoying Participant - Mohawk
  • First But Last - Ground Control to Major Tom (even though they were neither first, nor last)

2018 Awards!

  • Best In Show - Celesticals
  • Best Costumes - A Whole Nude World
  • Best Cart - Love Boat
  • Honorary Mention - 4 Queenies & A Weenie / Scottsdale Yacht Club
  • Rookiest - Wasted Potential / Rub a Dub Club
  • Craftiest - Tanked Girls / Vermicious Knids
  • American Pop Culture - Rampage
  • Challenge Photos - The Semen
  • Best Meme - Urban Achievers - "Shut The Fuck Up Donny"
  • Best Bribes - Celesticals
  • Sabotagiest - Ballsagna / Whole Nude World

2017 Awards!

  • Best In Show - By The Power Of Greyballs

2016

Team Awards
  • Best In Show - Wanna Play House

2015

Team Awards
  • Best In Show - Robin Your Dignity
  • Team Ramrod got (and I don't see why) "Worst Blood Alcohol Content" or something like that.

2014

Team Awards
  • Best in Show - The Book of Moron(s)
  • Best Theme - Rocky Road Kill
  • Best Bribers - Sex with Miners
  • First, but Last - Drunks Just Want to Have Fun
  • Last, but First - High & Tight
  • Rookies of the Year - Jamaican Bobsled Team
  • Best Display of Skin (team) - Olympians
  • Best Display of Skin (individuals) - Dixon & Kate (aka - Adam & Eve)
  • Best Blood Alcohol Content - Jodi (the fallen angel)
  • Worst Blood Alcohol Content - Dangerzone!
  • Best Sabotage - Team Fancy Feast?
  • Taking it for the Team - Girls with Low Self Esteem
  • Zoolander Award - High & Tight
  • Best Package - Unbelievable Package Show
  • Best Battle Wound - Paul (split his head open at the after party)

2013

Team Awards
  • Best In Show - South Park
  • Best Theme - Flash Mob!
  • Best Sabotage - Moonshiners: Drunk and Stupid
  • Best Bribers - Star Whores
  • First, but Last - Jedi Mind Fuck
  • Last, but First - Smitten Kittens
  • Rookies of the Year - Hash Team #69
  • Best Display of Skin - Magic Mike
  • Taking it for the Team - Whore's Whisperer
  • Best Blood Alcohol Content - Reno 911! : The Dangles
  • Worst Blood Alcohol Content - Rainbow Dreams
  • Worst in Bed - Xmas Candy Cane Team (not sure what their official team name is - if anyone knows)

2012

Team Awards
  • Best In Show - Search for the Quest
  • Most Aggressive - Occupy Idiotar*d
  • Good Job - ??
  • We Did It! - ??
  • Best Sabotage - ??
  • Supreme Theme - ??
  • Best Bribe - The Mile High Club
  • Primo Provisions - ??
  • Keenest Cart - ??

Individual Awards
  • ??

2011

Official Times and what not in cool spreadsheet form!
Team Awards
  • Best In Show - Wizard of Odd
  • Good Job - Red Rocket
  • We Did It! - Sparta!
  • Best Sabotage - Up Dog
  • Supreme Theme - The Jeffs
  • Best Bribe - Testicle Squeezers Administration (for all the lovely testical squeezing)
  • Primo Provisions - Flipadelphia
  • Keenest Cart - Conceptionators (Though there were many way better carts there)
Individual Awards
  • Best Display of Skin - The skinned Knees girl from Flash Gordon
  • Taking It For The Team - The guy from Recreational Hazard
  • Inimitable Injury - The guy that cut his finger on the wine bottle and duct-taped the wound to continue the race
  • Coolest Accoutrements - P-Mo from the TSA
  • Best Use of Corndogs - Judge Aunnie (Pink Boa)
  • Best Fake Stop - Meelosh (Write-in award)

We also have several other unclaimed "Write-In" awards. If you think you won (or should win) one, email the azcacophony email list and tell us what we missed!
Judges Awards:
  • Most Annoying - White Knuckle Anal Probe
  • Best Foam - Nurse Ratchet
  • Most Broke-Down Cart - Dexter's
  • Most Fertile - Rick & Jim
  • Most Flexible - Kendra Smurf
  • Most Sexy Smurf Friction - Papa Smurf & Kendra
  • Most Handsome Official - Gabe (& Best Penmanship)
  • Best Crotching, but Worst Elbowing - Kendra Smurf
  • Best Birthday - "Whoever had the birthday"
  • Best Question - John Cordova (procrastinator)
  • Total Douche - Conceptionators

2010

  • Best In Show - Solid Gold II
  • Best Cheaters - Ninja CARTel
  • Best DeDoucher - Kodama Backbone
  • Best Use of Naughty Bits - Chippendales Tour Bus (Thanks Lynn)
  • Third Time's the Charm - THE C.U.N.T.s
Wow, our memory is getting bad, huh?

2009

  • Best In Show - Solid Gold
  • Last Place - Muff Mondays
  • Good Try - Justice League
  • Second Place - Redneck Wedding Party
  • Best Sabotage - Screaming Fetuses
  • Best Theme - Sabotage-A-Rods
  • Taking it for the Team - Menace II Sobriety
  • Best Bribe - Mystery Inc.
  • Took the Race way too Serious Award* - Team Grrrrr
*Not an official award, but they did get a cash prize anyhow.

2008

  • 1st Place - Five Girls, One Cup
  • Best Theme/Cart - Pimps & Hos
That's all of the awards that we can remember. Sorry.

2007

  • 1st Place - Double Team
  • 2nd Place - Dance Dance Armageddon
  • Best Sabotage - Renegade Rollercart Girls
  • Creepiest Team - Candy Van
  • Best Cart Modifications - Cone Gallery
  • Best Use Of Inflatables - Hooray Beer!
  • Longest Capes - Fily Yaks